Stryfe speaks out about the new Madden!

16 08 2009

Here’s a game critique from our very special guest, Stryfe, of Axis of Greatness,,, so on and so forth……ENJOY

ok, so I decided to rent the new Madden to see if they tried to make it better.

NOPE! wtf was I thinkin?

and on that note I say FUCK YOU EA Sports and FUCK YOU Madden.

this shit aint fair.

every game is the same shit rolled in more sugar.

I swear this is the glitchiest, cheatingest, controller throwingest game out.

I only played about 5 games and im bout done..

so thank you Madden for years of bullshit every game after Genesis.

Fuck you Madden.

For “suction” tackles where a man is getting blocked and is still in the “crouching position” or mid run the OPPOSITE way and he slides across the field like a green army man on an air hockey table.

Fuck you Madden

For having defenders that dont cover anyone in man to man coverage. Instead they stand there as if the game forget that they were even there while the running back runs out of the backfield, into the secondary catches the ball and my safety has to tackle him.

Fuck you Madden

For the faggot ass momentum system you put in the game. I know its there, its so obvious.

When you’re winning the game plays like Matt Millen designed it.


if the game is close, HERE COMES THE BULLSHIT!!!

so fuck you Madden

for everytime a player is kickin your ass you injure him. Run a 30 yard sweep? Torn quadricep next tackle. Catch a 40 yard pass? Drop your next and, And, AND the CB will tackle you and you’ll get a “Hip Stinger”…WTF???!?!?

fuck you Madden

Cuz as soon as that momentum shift hits, the game turn to geometry wars with NIGGAS.

Not only can I not tackle the running back anymore, this nigga turns into Juggernaut, his helmet connects with his shoulder pads, and he can now RUN OVER my Defensive Tackle who has been tackling him ALL GAME. The DT is 315!!!! this little bitch is 232 GTFOH!!

Fuck Madden

Then the Quarterback gets an I-Robot arm and doesn’t throw anymore. Instead, loads it with gunpowder and Anti-Matter bombs, and clogs the opening with the football.

Fuck Madden

Then the Wide Recievers get Large Hadron Colliders on their hands and mini black holes form through which light CAN escape. As a matter of fact, not only can light escape, everything else can too EXCEPT footballs. Then as the brown ball of glue travels in the vicinity of the receiver, he stretches out those hands wrapped in double sided tape and no matter how good he is covered, the ball still manages to teleport to his palms. Meanwhile my receivers don’t even try to catch anymore they just run and put they hands out like the Allstate sign.

Fuck Madden

So then its your turn. But now your running back is the 3rd stringer cuz you did too good with your first two earlier, and the Monstars are on the other side of the ball foaming at the mouth. Then when you hike the ball, your offensive lineman DOESN”T BLOCK ANYTHING!! Instead he just runs straight ahead like its the 40 yd dash!

Then its halftime and you have to sit through all this dumb shit telling you about whats going on around the league. ITS NOT EVEN REAL!! I want to win the game im PLAYING! Who gives a fuck if computer is cheating against itself?

I swear this game is the cheatingest. You will witness Offensive Lineman that you DOMINATED all game get a strength boost when computer decides ok its my turn. Defensive backs start jumping like Lebron James on a trampoline. AND they teleport to passes that are no where that they can get to, like a Sonic the Hedgehog speed burst.

OR if you somehow manage to get past all of the bullshit, your people will start holding and fumbling for no reason at all!!

Then uh oh, the Defensive Linemen. Its like instant 4.4 40 speed. I know my O line aint the best, but these niggas got Jesus at right end, Yoda and the Stay Puft MarshMallow man at Defensive Tackle, and Satan in Winged Snake form at the left end. Its like my O linemen are balls of wax and these niggas are HELL!!

Meanwhile the announcer is in the background, man those guys are just getting manhandled on offense. NO SHIT!!!

Theres so much more, but thats all im mad about

I hate this game

ok my chest feels better

Madden? More like Sadden(ing).....

Madden? More like Sadden(ing).....




One response

2 12 2009

Tell em why you mad son! Tell em why you mad son! Tell em why you mad son!

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