The Popcorn Arrow of Truth by Rufio Jones

27 08 2009

For some reason I was thinking about this crazy situation that happened awhile ago and realized it wasn’t my fault.

So my comrades and I went to a movie (shockingly enough, I don’t remember what that movie was) and we shared a large bucket of popcorn. By the end of the film, we were passing the bucket back and forth to see who was going to take it. Though all in jest, it’s when the bucket got back to me that things took a turn.

Chris (one of the comrades) went to hand me the popcorn and I said ‘I don’t want that!’ As sure as I am today ends in Y is how confident I am that I slapped the bucket out of Chris’ hands TOWARDS THE GROUND. Nevertheless, like the truest arrow to strike the heart of an enemy on the battlefield, the bucket of popcorn flew forward for an impromptu meeting.

As it sailed down the aisle, every popped and unpopped kernel stayed safely tucked inside the bucket. Then, after going down approximately 10 empty rows without touching one seat, the bucket hit a couple on their way to the exit. It went off like a grenade when hit them, too. I don’t think I have ever been more apologetic. But today I realized that was far from my fault. Any arrow that true HAD to be divine intervention.

My theory is that bucket either brought them closer or tore them apart… like they needed. After being bombed by popcorn, I think one of two things happened. Optimistically, as mad as they may have been, they laughed about it by the time they got to the car. The woman telling the man “I can’t believe you didn’t kill him!” with hilarity and nudity ensuing. I like that scenario, but there is another.

It’s possible that the popcorn storm was the final straw. I assume it’s an embarrassing strain to have a hundred people watching their post-popcorning reaction. When we all parted ways, I could imagine the woman telling the man “I can’t believe you didn’t kill him!” and having that not help the situation. Their continual back and forth leading to a decision to split.

Either way, I think they should send me a letter of thanks. I was chosen to save them with an unconventional weapon. I believe it brought them closer. Even if it didn’t, they were better off. I’m just happy I was so influential in someone’s life.






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